In the Shadow of the American Dream Read online

  Sunday, August 22, 1971

  We walked up to the freshwater pond and I caught a snake. A little garter snake. He started puking so I tossed him into the bushes. Imagine that, a sick snake.

  We had to tie this rope around each of our waists and one by one crawl onto a little rope over the pond. We had to get to the other side. If one fell in we all would fall in. I was scared because my nice work boots were on. Thank Swami that we made it across and just in time for lunch. I ommmmmed in my mind all the way through the ordeal. After lunch we went on a real rock climb. I was first to go up since I had a dentist appointment. I made it up with very little trouble. I then left on the M. V. Hurricane to get to the dentist in Rockland. The M. V. Hurricane is a tugboat or a type of ferry. I felt seasick but here was my chance to eat all I wanted. I had half the pot of stew and ten oranges. The most I ever ate in my life!

  I didn’t get my tooth pulled. Back at H. Island, we began to get ready for the trip tomorrow. We leave on a pulling boat and come back Saturday. Nightfall came quickly. We had a big curse-out fight with another watch. The stars were really bright.

  Monday, August 23, 1971

  Camp Island

  I left early this morning. The swells were about 5 ft. high. I threw up so many times. Finally I passed out. I woke up as we drifted into a nice quiet cove. It was beautiful. I had a nice dinner of burnt macaroni, steamed mussels, and carrots.

  Tuesday, August 24, 1971

  I slept badly and woke up with a cold. I ate breakfast. We boarded the pulling boat and set sail for the next island. We learned about mainsails, mizzens, square knots, Boling knots, etc. Soon I fell asleep. Today I did not get sick. We sailed farther and farther. I was the bowman. We soon sailed into Bartlett Cove. This is the Girls Island. Unfortunately there were no girls today because they were out on expeditions, like us. I slept soundly.

  Wednesday, August 25, 1971

  We sailed all day long and all night, we sailed in around 1:40 to Orono Island. We cooked stew and woke up around 4:55 A.M. When I got up this morning …

  Thursday, August 26, 1971

  I blew my nose and then I lifted a small rock to throw away the tissue. All of a sudden there were two beautiful snakes curled up. One was a green snake with white-green skin and milky white underbody. The other was a common ring-neck snake. Very small, with maroon underbelly. Must have been to the point of shedding. What a find. I let them go. My cold was worse. The sunrise was beautiful. We ran 6 miles afterwards. My legs were about to break. We soon left to sail again. Again I wasn’t sick. We arrived very early at the most beautiful island I have ever seen. The name is Isle au Haut.

  There were brine shrimp in the water and crabs running around in the seaweed. Deer were on the island. We found part of a skeleton of a deer. We had a good dinner of stew. (Good night.)

  Friday, August 27, 1971

  I woke up and walked around for a few minutes. It was very depressing out. The sky was very cloudy and dark. We got on the boat and I became very seasick. I ate some raisins and soon felt better. All of a sudden a report came over the radio about a hurricane which might hit New York and the New England area. We got scared. So we decided to get back to Hurricane Island.

  We made it back and had a good dinner of two hamburgers, a bowl of soup, oyster crackers, and pears. I had a great sleep.

  Saturday, August 28, 1971

  We went rock climbing again and I learned rapelling. This is when you walk off a cliff backwards with ropes attached to you. If you let go with one hand you are going to fall and kill yourself. I remember having dreams of falling off cliffs as a little boy and the sensation was like this. I almost started crying.

  The people who contribute to this island are here today. We are having a fantastic meal just to show them how good the camp is run. I am now going to sleep. I have been eating green apples so I have lots of gas. Ugh!!!

  Sunday, August 29, 1971

  I think that since I have quit smoking, my appetite has grown immensely. I eat and eat, then 15 minutes later I’m starving again. This morning we had like a junior Woodstock. Guitar and flute playing. Tonight I am watching a movie, The Living Desert. It is about all sorts of animals. We went on an ecology walk for preparation for our three-day solo, which will be in a couple of days. I think around Tuesday. They will take us on the M. V. Hurricane (ferryboat) and drop us off one by one on each uninhabited island. We have to live off the land for three days. This will be my chance to get some sleep and rest.

  The movie was kind of funny but I was so tired that I slept through the last half of it. I am now in bed, I am very drowsy, so I will be signing off. Good night.

  Monday, August 30, 1971

  Every morning at 5:30 A.M. we get up, run around the island, and then take a jump into the cold, cold ocean. Brrrrrrr …

  Well, this morning as we were running, three boys decided to show off their athletic skills and took off faster and soon disappeared. We have a rule, to stick together while doing everything. Some other boys and I have already hurt ourselves falling while running, so we had to take it slow. Well, we had to do five pull-ups. Those three guys who ran ahead had to come all the way back and do the five pull-ups. They started bitching about having to run slow because of the slower guys.

  I was elected as first mate next to captain so I stood up and ordered them to quiet down as is expected of me. One guy, a very good karate pupil, told me to screw myself and to say shut up to his face. I had been fed up with everybody, so I walked up to him and said, Shut up. He did a karate flip on me, but I grabbed onto him before I fell, so I broke the fall.

  We will be going on a ropes course which nobody has completed without falling at least once. I will try to do it without falling.

  I just took a short walk into the woods. I found a small freshwater pond with a granite rock wall around it. Nearby was a little frail bird’s nest. I picked it up.

  I am feeling really depressed. I just caught another green snake on my way to the rope course. It was much smaller than the other one I had caught on Bartlett Island.

  I just finished the first part of the ropes course. For some reason my kneecaps hurt so bad that I can’t jump or do anything like that. I got into another argument with a stupid kid named George. I caught a frog in the quarry.

  I am seriously thinking about leaving sooner than planned. I hate this situation. I have stuck it out to my fullest capacity. But there is only so much I can take from some people. The course isn’t hard but the people are lousy.

  I had a good lunch and am now ready to take over the watch from another crew. The emergency watch is when you serve the meals and stay up all night to make sure that any ships that crash in the dark can be rescued. You also do any job on the island that needs doing.

  I helped scrape all the paint off the boat that was washed up on another island. I will be leaving in two days for my solo. Solo is when they take you to the island and let you stay there for three days. I will enjoy being alone and having to find and prepare my own food. I will write recipes for the meals I will have had. I get worried that the maniac might come and kill me in the dark while I am on the island. For some reason I am not afraid of monsters in the dark, but I am scared of maniacs and insane people waiting in the woods, in the dark. I get scared that they will grab me and kill me. I don’t know why and I can’t shake that feeling. I am very anxious to get back in the city, where the cold gray buildings are of some comfort and the lights make me feel safe.

  I ate so much at dinner tonight that I am busting. I can’t eat another drop. I am finished with my section of the watch and am now going to sleep. Good Night!

  Tuesday, August 31, 1971

  I did not have to run and dip this morning. Instead we set up the dishes and silverware and served breakfast. I am on duty again. (The time is now 8:39.) So far no calls have been made except some lady telling her husband’s friend that her husband was sorry about not calling because his mother forgot to give him the message.

 
Breakfast was the usual oatmeal, 2 slices of bacon, 2 pieces of corn bread, and milk or coffee. I sneaked a peanut butter and jelly out of the kitchen. I am really hungry. Maybe it’s all this exercise.

  I am now waiting for my friend to get back from reading poetry at the morning meeting. Tomorrow I go on solo. Hmmm …

  I just found out that I am sailing tonight and camping on an island until tomorrow, when I will be placed on an island for three days (solo). I am generally excited about what type of sleeping spot I will have. Where I will eat. What I will eat. And how the weather will be. Will I be able to start a fire, etc.

  Well, I am now packed and am ready to sail as soon as everyone gets together. A boy in my watch caught a garter snake. It got away. I feel weird because I want to leave as soon as I get back from solo but I still haven’t spoken to Rafe, the director. I think I will speak to him as soon as I get back. I will continue as soon as I eat dinner or else find out where I will be soloing (which island).

  We just finished getting under way. One boy fell overboard. I will be writing a letter for Charlie to give to the director (Rafe) while I am away since I did not have a chance to speak to him before I left. I am going to ask him to telephone my mother and get her permission for me to come home. I hope she says yes (as I really know she will).

  It is dark now and I have just set up my tent. I am damp and slightly cold but this night we had steak and baked potatoes and fruit salad to eat, sort of like a last meal. Happy that I am on solid land. I had a few more arguments with some kids in my watch so I will be glad to get on solo.

  Wednesday, September 1, 1971

  I am now up. Today I shall be put on an island by myself. The name is Babbitch Island. I am cooking breakfast for everyone else. It is now 5:10. I just finished breakfast and am cleaning up. I found out that I will be going to my island by powerboat. Thank Swami, because the pulling boats we use are so damned slow. Ugh!

  Well, I am about to have hot cocoa in a pan, what a way to live. I finished getting checked to see if I or anyone else smuggled food with them. Well, I will soon be on the island.

  Are you alone?

  Are you alone? asked the man and his wife as I trudged past their trailer.

  Are you alone? asked the gulls.

  Are you alone? asked the ocean.

  Are you alone? asked the frogs.

  If a man is alone in this wide earth, then a neighbor is of no help.

  I am on my island and have set up my tent. I have already eaten a lunch of stewed raspberries. It could have used some sugar, but I was quite contented with it. I am on my way to catch some clams and limpets for dinner. Dessert will be some glasswort (seashore plant—edible). I have found an incredible clam bed about halfway around the island from where I live. The clams are about five inches long. I found that it is easy to get to clams and limpets only when the sun is over behind the raspberry patch.

  I will draw a map showing what I know of the island. I really enjoy watching the seals swimming about the cove. I was quite shocked to find out there were seals up in Maine. I thought they were in Alaska, etc. But they swim back and forth and occasionally will climb a rock and rest. This morning we saw ten of them on our way to the islands. I will now go and cook my clams, using a cup of sea water for the salt flavor. I am using a huge mussel shell as a spoon or small dish.

  There is an abundant supply of rose hips, a plant that bears tomatolike fruit. It tastes like a mealy apple. The petals of the flowers on rose hip bushes are tasty also. Rose hips are the chief source of vitamin C. So I will eat a few every day.

  I am now eating dinner. The sun is as high as ever. I am now doing a drawing of a limpet after being boiled.

  I have finished dinner. I had raspberries for dessert. I don’t enjoy eating these wild foods. I keep thinking of Blimpies, Cokes, ice cream, candy. Oh, how I wish I were home.

  It is strange but for some reason I have changed and I know it. I have taken for granted many, many things. I will be happy to go into a food store and buy an apple or a cupcake. I will be more than happy to be walking on streets where people sell plastic flowers and pretzels and jewelry. Where the days are darker than the nights at times. To be able to come and go as I please. No island to restrict me.

  Thursday, September 2, 1971

  Well I am up and ready for a day’s work. This morning I will not eat but will take a walk around my island to find more sources of food other than glasswort, rose hips, limpets, periwinkles, clams, and raspberries. I have found a plastic jug which might prove to be helpful. If I cut it in half it could be a bowl. I will try to think what other uses it could have.

  Last night I was feeling pretty sick for some reason. Not my stomach, but my head. It was all cloudy. I went to sleep at approximately 6 o’clock.

  The checkup men in the powerboat just came. They come once a day to see if your signal flag is up. If it isn’t up and you don’t wave to them then it means something is seriously wrong.

  I must really be psychic because I was walking down to put up my signal flag when I saw a long board. I went over to it thinking there might be a snake under it. Well, just before I got to the board something moved on the grass. I thought it was a toad, so on a close look, I saw part of a snake gliding through the leaves. I caught another green snake. I was tempted to keep it but I let it go.

  I just found a huge supply of glasswort past my clam bed. Glasswort is tender, juicy, and already salted with healthful sea salt. Continuing past another cove I found an excellent cattail supply. Cattails can be husked and boiled ten minutes to produce a delicious meaty substance. Cattails grow in freshwater marshes so I will see if I can find any freshwater things to eat.

  I have ended up on the other side of the island. I have tried fishing, but there is no luck. I am getting dizzy from time to time from need of food. It is difficult to get used to some of the available sea plants, etc. I dropped my roll of fishing line and it fell a long ways and started to sink. I started pulling in the line as fast as I could which brought the line spool to the surface. I grabbed it. It was hell trying to wind up all that line but I managed it.

  I think I will go for a swim later on when I get back.

  I feel so sick I can hardly walk. The sun is too strong. I have a terrible headache.

  I am about a quarter of a mile from my tent. Thank Swami.

  I will cook my food that I have gathered and eat as soon as I get back. I am famished.

  I have finished eating and I feel like throwing up. I can’t wait to get back to Hurricane Island and to the meals they serve there. I feel like taking a nap which I think I will do.

  Across from my cove is another island. I see a signal flag. One of my friends must be on it.

  I just woke up and feel a bit better. I am not so hungry so I will fast until tomorrow. Then that will mean one more day and I will be back again. It is very strange when you don’t use your voice for a period of time. You begin to realize how quiet things are and how beautiful nature is. I hear all kinds of birdcalls while I am writing this. At times I try to answer the call but some are too beautiful which makes it difficult.

  I am going for a short walk to find some more curios. I have collected some already. It is fun to find something different from anything you have ever seen. It is low tide now so I can get closer to the water. I finished looking because my strength seems to be draining. I threw up already. I don’t know what to do.

  My curios are just the regular things I have been finding. I do not have any feeling or urge to draw in my sketch pad. I keep thinking of good wholesome food. I can’t stomach all these foods out here. I am stomach-sick of clams, limpets, raspberries, and Christ knows what else. I am at this moment sick of every goddamn thing in this world. I wish I were home. I will try to leave right after solo.

  I have been throwing up left and right. I ate some cattails and clams. That’s when I started getting really sick. I will see if they will let me go back tomorrow morning. I can’t eat any of this food. I need the normal
food they serve at H.I.O.B.S. and at home. I am going crazy. I absolutely have to leave.

  I was getting used to the course but I have had enough. I had enough a week ago but I stuck it out until solo thinking I would enjoy the rest. My stomach is killing me. I can hear the juices gurgling inside me. Today I made contact with the island across the way. After the boat left I heard shouting. It was Ricky, my friend. I could barely make out his words but apparently a boy named John in my watch was put on the other side of the island. He made his way to Ricky’s camp and stayed there all night. Apparently he is very scared and homesick. He was going to leave about three days ago but Rafe the director talked him out of it.

  Anyway I heard him blow his whistle so he is trying to make contact but I feel too sick to go all the way down to the beach and shout my lungs off. I’d probably end up puking. I think I will go to sleep in a few minutes.

  I would rather wake up in the middle of nowhere than in any city on earth.

  Friday, September 3, 1971

  Last night I went to sleep just before the sun went down. I was not scared. I had quite a lot of trouble getting to sleep because I was getting cramps in my legs and stomach. Also I was extremely hungry. I had about one hour’s sleep altogether.

  Late last night my plastic tent was illuminated by light. I thought it was an unusually bright moon. About a half hour later the light was in the same position. I wanted to see if it was a full moon so I put on my glasses and poked part of my head through the opening. It was not the moon, but someone’s flashlight. I was terrified. So I did only what I thought of, and that was to call and say, Who is that?

  The light switched off and whoever it was walked down past my tent and onto the path leading to the cove. I am still very frightened from that. I poked my head back into the tent and remained barely breathing for about twenty minutes.